“Hey you’re cute, can I have your number?”
Unless you’re extremely attractive, have a high social status, or sneeze into $100 bills, that line will fail 99% of the time.
Slow and steady
The key to getting someone to grab coffee with you from a pickup line is this: Don’t use a pick up line. This is real life, not a dating app. We all know that we’re awesome people, getting to the point where we can express how great we are is the hard part. The next time you run into a situation where you find yourself interested in someone, take it slow.
A quick disclaimer: Before you go ahead and invest into this person take a step back and think. Why are you interested in them? What intrigues you? If it’s because they’re hot, press that little back arrow on the top left of your browser. Wrong blog. If however you find that you have both may have common interests and see potential with them, continue reading. Today we’ll be diving into how to get from that initial interaction with that person you’ve got your eyes on to the point where they’re so comfortable with your awkward self that they’d not just agree to meet you, but want to meet you.
I understand it may be nerve wrecking to walk over to them and start a conversation. There are two steps to take. One is to take a deep breath and the second step is to not even think about it and just start walking. Just do it. It sounds absolutely nuts, but you’d be surprised on how well this works. The more you think about it, the scarier it will get and the last thing we want is for you to not get yourself out there and miss out on an amazing opportunity.
The initial interaction
You probably have butterflies in your stomach right now and your heart may be beating at 1,000 beats per minute. Don’t worry, these are all completely normal things. The funny thing that people don’t realize is that everyone else is also human. Most of these other humans are very nice as well. See the thing is what you talk about doesn’t matter at all. It could be a topic your group is working on, a song that you’re hearing at the bar, for God’s sake even the weather. Regardless of what you speak about, it shows them that you’re taking the time and making an effort to get to know them.
In terms of frequency, each case is different and unique on its own. If I know I’ll see them fairly soon, I may not even ask for their number today, I may just exchange stories and learn more about them and wait for next time.
If however YOU MAY NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, I like using a technique I learned a while back called the “FORD“ technique. FORD is an acyronym for family, occupation, recreation, and dreams.
Through my experiences of flirting and dating, it doesn’t necessarily matter on which order you speak the topics as long as dreams is last. The really cool thing about the FORD technique is it gives you so much potential to create lots of banter (inside jokes).
When you feel like the conversation is starting to come to a close, it may be a good time to make your move. You really need to feel it out. Don’t jump the gun because you could lose out on an amazing person and conversation. One of my rules I keep in mind is “would I give this person my number if they asked me?”. You’ll know when the right time is because it will feel right.
Okay, so you’ve shot your shot and good news, they’ve given you their number. Other than fiddling your thumbs, what are you doing to do now? This next part always makes me laugh a bit. Looking back at myself, I cringe sometimes for this next part.
phone Number acquired, now what?
You’re screaming with excitement on the inside as they’re typing in those digits. They hand you your phone back, now what? You did it, you were brave and it paid off. At this point, there is no reason to prolong the conversation.
I have my fingers crossed you made some sort of banter with them. Always, always, always try to end your interaction on a good note. Thank them for their time and let them know you’ll be reaching out. Communication is key.
*Fun Fact*: When you’re the one who wraps things up, it shows you have other priorities as well and makes THEM want YOU more. (bonus points for making them smile or laugh in your wrap up)
the final stage: texting
You’ve probably heard some sort of rule from the texting Gods about waiting 24-72 hours.
I disagree, you want to keep the emotions fresh. I usually send them a quick message after meeting them letting them know it was a pleasure meeting them and let them know I’ll text them tomorrow morning.
You’ve made it. All you need to do now is share your day, ask about theirs, and don’t do anything bizarre that would get you ghosted. Remember to listen more than you talk (about 70%-30%) and keep it to relatively surface level topics when you first start chatting. Make sure you’re staying busy too, nobody likes someone who is available 24/7. Have priorities and make yourself a priority.
It may not be the best idea to ask them out on a date right off the bat. Flirting and dating is all about playing it by ear and paying attention. Remember that everyone is different and it may take longer for some to open up and be more comfortable to meet one on one.
For date ideas, It’s tough to get to know someone at a movie and dinner can be too formal right away. I think coffee is always a good first date. It’s in a public setting, you have enough space to talk privately, and drinking coffee helps get the conversation going as well.
Final words
The last thing I have today is to remind you to be confident. You’re the one that asked for their number, but they’re the one that gave you their number. Little secret for you, if you’ve made it this far, they’re interested in you too.
Good luck out there.
With Gratitude,
Dil
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